If you don't listen to me it's cool really and if you don't even want to read this I understand because fair warning: I'm about to tell you to be nice to your mom.
Yep there it is, just go easier on her. I know I don't know you that well I only see things from the outside and hear things second hand, but I know what it's like because I'm right in the middle. It was not long ago that I was the teenager and even though my boys are young here I am a mom and I just want to say that I understand.
I understand that your mom is difficult. She is nagging you all the time. She expects you to do what she wants and everything has to be her way. She doesn't understand you, she doesn't know what it's like to be you, to go to school, and think about your future in this world. She doesn't know how much pressure you feel all the time from school and sports and friends and the media and from herself, and mostly from yourself, to be the best, the smartest, the coolest, the most mature, to have it all figured out and not to make mistakes. It's really hard. And speaking of mistakes she is a total hypocrite. She is always mad at you for doing things that she used to do or even still does, she makes a mistake or a bad choice and expects you to just let it slide, or even worse she wants you to fix it for her, she invited company over and didn't have time to clean and make dinner and do the laundry so now she wants you to do it. Clearly you have other things to do too, and company wasn't your idea. She's always expecting you to do the things she likes to do and thinks you have to feel the same and think the same as her about important issues. It's like she gets mad at you for having your own brain and your own opinions. And when your feeling upset and you just want someone on your side to understand you and make you feel better she's questioning you and telling you all the ways it was your fault in the first place. She's not really there for you. It's true. It's all true and it's hard, I understand, I remember.
But here's the thing about your mom. She loved you from the day she met you and she has seen every version of you there is on every day you've been alive. She knows things about you that you don't even know about yourself and no one will ever love you the way she does. It's pathetic I know but it's true. But you know what? It is so hard to be your mom. Because she doesn't know you. (I know confusing right?) She knows you so well but she doesn't know you at all, and she doesn't understand you and that kills her, so she tries her hardest to make you into the person she dreams you will be. She tries to imprint a little bit of herself on you. But at the same time she doesn't want you to be the person she was and is because she is so full of flaws. She is never good enough, she makes so many mistakes everyday. She tries to do too much, she loses her patience, she loses her temper, she falls behind and needs her child to pick up her mess so the family can stay afloat. She is embarrassed and ashamed that she can't do it all and she takes that out on you, and she feels so guilty. She did so many things the hard way when she was your age and she remembers it all, painfully and she wants so much to protect you from making those same mistakes, from making your own mistakes, but the worst thing is that she knows that she can't. She tries to understand you and get to know you better but she's trying too hard and prying and by trying to get closer to you she builds a thicker wall between you. She's losing you a little more everyday and she doesn't know how to stop it. She wants what is best for you and she tries desperately to keep you safe, from physical harm, emotional distress, public embarrassment, your own self loathing that she's all too familiar with herself. And yet she can't and it hurts her to see you hurt so she tries harder. She feels so torn because she wants to be your biggest cheerleader and do everything she can to make life easier for you but she knows that's not her job, her job is to teach you to be responsible, and self sufficient.
She can't do it all. She gives and gives and gives herself away and she doesn't think about herself. She's struggling every day to keep it all together and be worthy of being your mom and sometimes she gets lost in that struggle. She forgets that she is a person too, separate from you. She forgets to take care of herself, respect herself, forgive herself. And if she's not doing those things how will she teach you to do them? She used to want so much from her life. She had so many hopes and dreams and plans but now she just wants you to be happy and healthy and successful. And she desperately wants you to understand. To understand that she does understand you, she does know you, she is on your side, sometimes it just doesn't look like that in the moment and sometimes she just forgets. But she loves you she always has and she always will. And if you take it a little easier on her. If you take care of her sometimes, if you respect her, if you forgive her for being a real separate person from you. This will all be easier on both of you. I promise. It's okay that she isn't perfect and she doesn't always get it right because she's trying.
I love you mom. Thanks for never giving up and loving me even when I made it hard for you. I'm so happy we understand each other now.